Hello Everyone! Today I have a special guest post for you, but it’s a little different than my normal content! This is a guest post written by Jake Peterson, a friend who reached out to me about writing a post about his experience of having a baby in Spain (or, better yet, his experience of his wife having a baby and navigating the Spanish system) and everything that he encountered. He said that the experience was so much different than he expected, but there are few resources available for what Dads should expect, so he was hoping to be able to use A Spoonful of TLC as a platform for his experience. I find that a lot of people visit my blog for the how-to posts, so I thought it would be great if he could share his experience and what to expect, and I hope any of you out there find this article to be interesting and/or helpful. If you have questions, feel free to leave a comment! Also, Jake just started a new blog about all things Spain, which is looking good- check it out!
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When we finally found out my wife was pregnant (after two positive tests, two negative tests, and one trip to the hospital) we were ecstatic. It was going to be a huge life change, obviously, but we were both ready for it. After the initial excitement wore off and reality began to set in, fear started creeping in. I had always imagined having a baby in the United States, but we were going to have a baby in Spain. She would be born with a matador cape in one hand and a ham leg in the other.On a scale of 1-10, I would say my baby knowledge is around a 3 but going through this entire process felt like I was putting myself below 0.
And that’s being generous.
Being a history major, I have always been big into research and immediately set out to learn everything I could. There were plenty of fantastic books, videos, and blogs I found that helped me get prepared for not only what my wife was going through, but what the baby was doing and what to expect.
Then I started looking for information about the process in Spain and what do you know? It’s all in Spanish. There are certain things in life that I need in English, and that list is generally filled with medical terms and original version movies (I will hit you with a crowbar if you disagree). Through my research, I found plenty of information out there in English from the mother’s side of things, but almost nothing from the father’s point of view.
So that’s why I wanted to make this post, to give any future angloparlante fathers out there a brief guide about what to expect over the next nine months and at the hospital.
Special note: This post is not filled with hacks, baby care tips, or professional advice. If you want to read about how the baby is developing, why your partner is frustrated with everything you say, or where to look for IVF options in Spain, there are plenty of other places to do so.
Not that I don’t want to offer my opinion on those matters, but there are plenty of professionals who know much more about those matters than I do.
Lastly, I am writing this comparing my “knowledge” from the United States to my experience here in Spain.
Go With Your Partner to the 10,000 Appointments
This piece of advice is not limited to just Spain. Ask anyone from any country and they’re going to tell you that it’s great to go with your partner to any and all appointments. It’s a chance for you to ask questions, keep track of what the doctor/nurse/midwife says, and be up to date on what’s happening.
What you should be prepared for, however, is just how many appointments you’ll be going to. In the States, couples tend to go to just one person for the majority of their appointments. You’ll go to the OB/GYN, family doctor, or midwife for your prenatal appointments. Pretty easy. In Spain, however, be ready to visit countless people.
Based on my memory, we saw around 15 people during our nine months of prenatal visits. They included:
- Three different midwives
- Three different doctors
- Four different ultrasound technicians
- Two blood analysis technicians
That’s not even including the number of visits my wife made by herself when I was out of Spain or couldn’t attend that day. 
We also went to a million different physical locations, which included:
- The local clinic
- A different clinic for blood analysis
- Three different places for ultrasounds
- Our hospital
Our first midwife gave us an Excel spreadsheet like document that had all of the appointments we needed to go to. I suggest also writing those on a calendar and writing what they’re for as well. We had one week where we had a different appointment every day of the week.
Use the Free Resources Spain Offers
One of my favorite things about Spain is healthcare. Not having to pay for anything besides the occasional prescription is always fantastic. The delivery at the hospital cost us a whopping 3.80 because I had to go buy water bottles out of the vending machine. Spain also offers some fantastic resources for new families that you and your partner should take advantage of. For us, we were able to get a subscription to a magazine called Mi Bebe y Yo. After each week passes, they send you an email detailing everything that’s happening with your partner.
Next, each clinic offers birthing classes, known as clases de preparto. At our clinic, they were once a week for eight weeks and two hours each session (usually longer because the midwife would always show up late). Here, we learned about everything from breathing techniques to breastfeeding to what to expect in the hospital. I always had my phone open on Google Translate with Google open behind that. I would often see a word or phrase I didn’t recognize, find out I didn’t know what it meant in English and then look it up in English.
Lastly, there are classes for after the birth which are much shorter and have fewer people in them.
Read Everything You Can in English
One thing that really helped me was making sure I read plenty of books and watched plenty of videos in English during the whole process. No matter how good your Spanish is, you’re going to come across words or phrases that you just don’t know. By reading ahead of time in English, you’re at least going to have a solid base when you see something that’s unfamiliar. While you might not recognize a word, you may recognize what’s happening via a picture or further description. The last thing you want is to be constantly asking your partner what something means or always looking at your phone. The more you know ahead of time, the better prepared you’ll be.
Be Sure to Pack Your Own Bag
We’re going to skip way ahead to hospital bag preparation. There are plenty of things you can be doing during the preceding months, but you’re going to find better information on that with other websites. There isn’t a whole lot that’s Spain specific. Just make sure to love on your partner, take plenty of pictures, and enjoy the fleeting months you’re just a family of two.
When it comes to hospital prep, your partner has likely spent roughly five years thinking about what to pack and not pack. While you may have been reading and watching videos, your partner will probably have watched 10X the videos you have and will have her ideal hospital bag packed.
If you’re like me, packing is usually done by tossing a bunch of stuff into a bag and hoping that it will do the trick.
Here’s a rundown of what we brought to the hospital:
- Suitcase with things for my wife
- Baby bag
- Backpack for me
While your partner will probably pack the suitcase and baby bag, you should at least be aware of what is in both. She won’t be able to move well for at least 24 hours after birth and you will have to get everything for her.
Here is what I brought in my backpack:
- Two pairs of underwear and socks
- Extra shirt
- Phone charger
- Phone with a few movies to watch
- Headphones
- Food and snacks
- Travel pillow
What I wish I brought:
- A small blanket
- More food
Our hospital provided nothing for me (not that they should). No food, no pillow, no blanket. The only thing I got was a plastic bag to help carry our clothes and a sticker that said I was a visitor. My mom had told me before that when I was born the hospital provided a steak dinner to the new parents. Here? They wouldn’t even give me a cup of juice.
You’re also going to be incredibly hungry and you’re not going to want to eat in front of your wife (because she can’t eat for the majority of the day), so eating times may be sparse.
You’re Going to be Ignored and You Have to be OK With It
We’ve all had a time in Spain where we felt like we have been ignored because of the language and culture difference. I can easily recount dozens of social interactions, work moments, or times in stores where I’ve been downright ignored or pushed aside.
It happens.
With the pregnancy, expect it to happen one hundredfold.
Many dads I’ve talked to have mentioned that they felt left out during large parts of the pregnancy and birth process. Many books I read also warned me of this. This is not exclusively a Spanish occurrence, but something that’s global. It makes complete sense. The woman’s body is the one changing, growing the baby, and in need of attention so it’s right that doctors and nurses would speak and interact with her primarily.
Out of all the medical professionals we saw, there was only one that ever looked at me while explaining something. The majority of the time, my questions would be disregarded or given a short answer. Part of this, besides not being pregnant, was the fact I was foreign. I’m not saying this to try and offend anyone or whine (believe me, my wife deserved all the attention), but I rarely ever felt as if I was treated as being a part of it all. For every 100 questions your partner receives about her current state, expect one about you. There will likely be entire conversations where you sit by the side, twiddling your thumbs while everyone asks questions about the pregnancy without acknowledging your presence. There are plenty of instances where I felt like a scarecrow. At times, it may make you feel pretty awful, but that’s just part of the process.
Keep Every Paper That’s Handed to You
If there’s one thing everyone loves about Spain, it’s the bureaucracy, right? There’s nothing quite as fun as standing in long lines only to find out that you’ve gone to the wrong building. When it comes to the birth of your child, everything is just as confusing as you would expect. After your child is born, you’ll have to register them with the Registro Civil. If your baby is born on a weekday, you can do that from the hospital. If the baby was born on the weekend, you’ll have to physically go to the office to do so. While you may receive conflicting reports, it turns out that only one parent needs to go and you don’t need a previous appointment. The most important paper you’ll need to take with you is the yellow piece of paper at the hospital which acts as your child’s temporary birth certificate. That’s the most important thing you will need when registering your child.
Closing Thoughts
All in all, the process is pretty smooth as long as you do your homework and make sure and follow what your partner says and needs.
Best of luck to all future dads out there!
