Hello, hello and Happy Wednesday! I guess we should just dub this ‘So You’re Dating a Spaniard Wednesday’, since that seems to be the current tred. Today’s addition to the series is actually a little different than the last two since we will be hearing from a guy (Jake) who has a Spanish girlfriend (Ana)- and soon to be WIFE!- which is so, so exciting. It’s nice to get a guy’s perspective in this whole thing and see how many things are the same as other experiences we’ve heard, but also different. Also, Jake is funny, so that’s a big bonus. Without further ado, here is Jake! Please feel free to comment with thoughts/questions!
*Jake requested that photos not be included in this post, but he does have a blog where he writes some good articles (his most recent about what to do if you’re on a plane with a baby made me LOL). This is his blog.
- Please introduce yourself. What’s your name? Where are you from? How old are you? How long have you been living in Spain (if you live in Spain)? What do you do? Where do you live? What are your hobbies?
My name is Jake, I’m 28 years old and I’m from Tennessee. I’m coming up on my 5th year in Spain. I work as an editor and coordinator for an educational company. I also do freelance writing, editing, and translating. I live in south Madrid. I enjoy basketball, videogames, reading, and traveling.
- Introduce your pareja (boyfriend/ girlfriend). What’s his/ her name? How old is he/she? What does he/she do? Where does he/she live?
My girlfriend (soon to be wife) is Ana, she’s 28 years old as well. She’s a primary school teacher and has more patience than anyone I know. She is fortunate enough to live with me, a gift that keeps on giving.
- When and how did you two meet? Give us the details ; )
We met when I saved her from a bear attack. Just kidding. We actually met within my first few months in Spain 5 years ago. One of my friends was her auxiliar de conversacion and we met at a house party. For the romantics out there, there were no instant fireworks or anything of the sort. In fact, I didn’t even know either of her last names until we started dating. She thought I was a conservative, weird guy after I went to bed early because I had a basketball game the next day. Joke’s on her, 5 years later and I still do this!
- When did you first start dating?
Despite meeting back in 2013…we didn’t start dating until 2017. We were friends through the years and it wasn’t until my business went to her school that we decided to try and catch up. We met for drinks and played pool one weekend and the rest is history.
- What do you and your pareja like to do together for fun?
We’re big travelers and we’re always planning our next trip. So far we’ve been to Romania, France, and all around Spain together. We’re going to Italy and the USA this summer. We’ve started going to the gym together which has been a lot of fun. For relaxing, we like to blaze through Netflix series. Not smoke weed while we watch, but binge series. Currently watching 3%!
- What’s are some of the differences you’ve noticed between dating someone from a different culture vs. someone from your own culture?
Despite being here for nearly half a decade, I’m still adjusting to the eating times. When I was living by myself, I was still on USA dinner time. Living with Ana, it’s been an adjustment to eat dinner late. But lately we’ve found a nice middle ground of around 8-8:30 PM. She still says she feels like a guiri as I internally fist pump. Proximity to family is also huge difference as well. I pretty much moved out of the house at 18 and besides a year working in Tennessee, I’ve just been back for vacation. When I lived there, I would maybe, maybe see my family once a week. Here, it seems to be a must that you see family members more often. She talks to her parents every day and I talk to mine once every few weeks.
- What’s the best thing about being with your pareja?
Besides having a loving, caring, sweet, funny, beautiful, bird-phobic girlfriend, it’s great always having someone there for you and always having someone who I feel is in my corner. Trying to be Spanish specific, I never feel embarrassed when I make dumb Spanish mistakes. She answers all my odd questions about Spanish culture. She introduces me to something new constantly. Also, she is a fantastic cook. Homemade croquetas and tortilla are the best.
- What’s the biggest miscommunication you’ve ever had? Any really awkward moments?
No big ones come to mind, just little things here and there. Trying to make jokes with her family has gotten me some awkward stares but the “Lo siento, no hablo español!” joke works every time. “Background talk” is more confusing in our non-native languages than in our native languages. If she’s on the phone in another room or I’m cursing at a videogame over the headset, we sometimes don’t know who the other is talking to.
- What language do you speak in?
When we’re alone, I speak in English and she speaks in Spanish. If we’re with people, it just depends on the crowd we’re with. We will often speak in English if we’re in a situation where we don’t want someone to understand us.
- What is one thing your pareja really believes, but you know is not true (ie: you WILL get sick if you sleep with the air conditioner on)
Breakfast isn’t that important of a meal. I had to convince her that milk and a few galletas aren’t really breakfast.
- What is something (or a few things) you have struggled with in your relationship that is due to the fact that you’re from different places?
In the States, I believe we’re more comfortable than the Spanish about being isolated and being alone. We have space between everything, we’ve had our own rooms since we were kids, and your life is largely dependent on your actions. Here, it’s a much more communal thing. It’s hard to have free time because things are so physically close here and that’s true at home too. It can be hard to integrate into a culture that is more communal and where things are more shared.
- Has your pareja ever been to your hometown? What was that like?
Not yet, but she’s coming this summer. I can’t wait to be a tour guide. I also can’t wait to laugh when my very southern grandparents can’t understand anything (also because they’re hard of hearing).
- Have you ever met your pareja’s family? What was it like? Were you nervous?
I did at a Christmas Eve dinner. I had met a few of her cousins before, but I was meeting her parents, her brother, her grandmother, various aunts and uncles, and other cousins at this dinner. I was very nervous. Not just because of the normal nerves, but because I was scared I’d forget Spanish suddenly and the fact her family is 3 times bigger than mine. I grew up without cousins in a family with 6 total people. Being in a bigger family with 765 conversations happening at the same time was a little overwhelming at first. I got really sick after that meal (2 thumbs up for vomiting on Christmas, 10/10 would repeat again) so I always joke that her dad poisoned me, but I just ate too much fish.
- What is your biggest pet peeve about dating someone from another culture? (Don’t worry, we all have them!)
This is so nitpicky, but sometimes not sharing my frustrations with Spanish culture. Why does it take so long for anything to get done here? Why do so many things seem so unbelievably disorganized? Why is customer service usually an afterthought? Why do cars turn on their warning lights in the middle of the road and stop for as long as they want?
- In an ideal world, where would you both live?
Ha, that’s the million dollar question. We have no idea, we might be moving to South America next year or staying here. We’ve talked a lot about it. Gun to my head, I would say we’d go back to the States within the next few years to at least try living there.
- Any funny stories, cute moments, etc. that you want to tell from your relationship? Just to give us a peek into your day-to-day life!
Well, the time she taught me how to drive a stick shift was when I knew that she really loved me. I was having the most difficult time ever and must have said 23094 times how stupid stick shift is/will forever be. She always remembers the part where I understood why the Spanish are so good at soccer, they have to drive like this their whole lives using their feet.
The happiest I’ve ever seen her is when I asked her to come with me to help me pick out a new pair of jeans from Zara.
“Hey Ana, do you think my American accent when I speak Spanish is sexy?”
“No, not really.”
“What about when I speak English?”
“Meh.”
“Why are you rubbing your phone against your face?”
“Look at this cat, it’s so cute!”
The first time I ever went to her house, she accidentally punched me in the face while we were playing Jungle Speed.
- Please share anything else you would like to share!
While my Spanish is good and she is an English teacher, I really think it’s important that if you do date someone from another culture and you’re serious about it, not just un rollo( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), it’s really important to learn the language. It’s perfect for those intense, emotional moments and arguments. If you’re reading this Ana, I love you and I probably left the kitchen light on.
_____________________________________________________________
See, I told you he is funny! Jake answered all of my questions in an amusing, yet informative way and gave us a good glimpse into life with Ana. While I don’t have photos of them, I still have an image in my mind of what they look like together and I can see how they make it work through the cultural differences. CONGRATS, Jake and Ana, on your engagement and wishing you both the most happiness in the future! And Jake, I totally get the feeling of wishing you had someone to complain to about Spanish culture! I get it.
_____________________________________________________________
Previous ‘So You’re Dating a Spaniard’ posts that may be of interest:
If you are interested in participating in ‘So You’re Dating a Spaniard’, please send me an e-mail to tlcohen91@gmail.com
