Hello out there!  This is Tamara, the girl who used to write on here de vez en cuando and now has zero tiempo, or better yet, has zero tiempo where I am at home and feel like writing.  I don’t really feel like writing right now either, but it’s relatively early (9.23 pm) and I finished work relatively early (left at 8.07 pm- only worked 12 hours and 45 mins), and I am drinking a glass of red wine so until I finish it, I will write.  Lucky you.

Let’s see…. things are going well.  Very well actually.  I am pleased, I am happy, I am fu57y43839394ing tired, but I am proud.  Everyone knows opening a business is hard, but wow, hard is a weak word.  For me, it has been very, very mentally, physically and emotionally draining.  More than anything I have ever done in my life.  It is mentally draining because there are so! many! things! to! remember! and feeling scatter-brained just seems to be my new normal.  I have a large sheet that I use each week as an on-going to do list/ has various supplier lists that I update as I think of things we need but oh my, I feel like I spend the whole day saying “what did I come in here to do? wasn’t I going to do something?  Oh, my lunch is still in the microwave! Can you remind me to….?  I need to….” etc etc.  It will lessen with time as it has greatly lessened in just 3 weeks, but I do thank my lucky stars that I am a relatively organized person because how can you not be?

It’s physically draining because I usually spend 12+ hours on my feet…6 days per week.  My knees and legs in general hurt a lot, my feet hurt at the end of every day, my back hurts if I wash dishes for too long.  I am looking forward to when we have more people working which will help alleviate some of the physical part of this.  I haven’t run or been to the gym in weeks and the thought of doing exercise by choice makes my knees ache more…

Also, Monday was the first time I have seen the sun in 3 weeks.  Actually, on Saturday morning, I ran to the fruit store before we opened the shop and my eyes were like “what is this strange light” (it was sunlight).

And the emotional part- I find that I am very sensitive to people’s comments/ opinions/ criticism (hey mom & dad), even when given out of love/ support.  I have always been sensitive to criticism (not my best quality), but I have found myself to be very very ultrasensitive to it.  I will get over that with time, and I dooooo want people’s opinions, but I also feel like I am completely frazzled 99% of the time and am doing the best I can.  It’s also so much talking and chatting and being nice to people that at the end of the day, I just want to walk in the cold air and talk to NO ONE.

On the non-work front, yesterday (Monday), I had to go to the shop to make dough (like I do every Monday) and to make some bagels for a couple of meetings and I was planning to just go home after and work on the computer, but when I left the shop in my big heavy coat and realized it was like 60* and sunny, I messaged 2 of my friends and said LET’S DRINK IN THE SUN!  So drink in the sun is what we did and let me just say, that little bit of social time gave! me! life!  I felt like a new person after that.  It was a good reminder to take a break, take a breather, and do fun things.  What’s the point of working so hard if there is no time for LIFE?  Luis and I try to do fun things when we have a free second, but it’s hard to express just how exhausted we really are.  At least I have Monday to recharge- Luis is working 8 days per week basically.  Yes 8.  We did go out to dinner at an American burger place on Saturday night and the place was empty and I felt legit anxiety that it was empty.  *shudder*.

Ok, with that, my wine glass is empty (it’s 9.34 pm- I wrote for 11 minutes).  I am going to take a shower, put on pajamas, make some popcorn, and watch netflix until 10:30 and then it’s off to bed and back to WORK!

Thanks for reading.

p.s. Mom and Dad- I do appreciate your comments and do find them helpful, but I will never look at my beautifully sloppy cakes the same ever again 😉