After posting last week about some of the differences between dating a Spaniard and dating and Amaerican, I shared it on Facebook and got a ton of responses with people sharing THEIR experiences while in a multi-cultural relationship.  That gave me the idea to ask if anyone would like to answer some questions and share their story about dating a Spaniard (or someone from another culture).  I was absolutely shocked (and thrilled!) when I received numerous responses, so I will be sharing each and every one of them over the next few weeks. 

Without further ado, let me introduce you to Becky, an auxiliar de conversación who has been in Spain for almost a year and has been with her (Spanish) boyfriend for over 3 years!  Her answers to my questions are meaningful and well-written, and I hope you enjoy reading about her Tinder escapades as much as I did.  She touches on long-distances relationships, what it was like to meet his family, and more.  If you want to learn more about Becky, you can check out her blog, or follow her on Instagram (@beckyinindy)

So You’re Dating a Spaniard: Becky (and Alejandro)

• Please introduce yourself.  What’s your name?  Where are you from?  How old are you?  How long have you been living in Spain (if you live in Spain)?  What do you do?  Where do you live?  What are your hobbies?

Hello! My name is Becky. I’m from Indianapolis, Indiana in the U.S.A. (Best known for the Indy 500). I’m 24 years old and I’ve been living in Spain for about ten months now and previously studied in Sevilla in 2015. I’m an auxiliar de conversación in a primary school in central Madrid. I always tell people I love coffee and I love writing, so I can usually be found in any number of cafes in the city either testing out my bullet journaling skills or attempting to stay up to date with my blog. I also discovered yoga when I got to Madrid and it’s a newfound passion of mine.

• Introduce your pareja (boyfriend/ girlfriend).  What’s his/ her name?  How old is he/she?  What does he/she do?  Where does he/she live?

 My pareja is Alejandro, Ale for short. He is also 24 years old (rather, he will be soon). He’s currently an engineering student in Sevilla, with hopefully just one more year left!

• When and how did you two meet?  Give us the details  ; )

Because we were young and dumb, a group of friends and I decided our second week into studying abroad there that getting Tinder was a great idea and nothing could possibly go wrong: We’d practice our Spanish via flirting, maybe kiss a few cute Spanish guys, win-win all around (I’d like to tell everyone considering this method that Tinder-ing is not a smart thing to do in a city and language you barely know and I really cannot in good conscience recommend this method to any reasonable person). Nonetheless, Ale was one of my first matches and the rest is history.

• When did you first start dating?

We chatted via Tinder for about a week before he asked me out. January 27, 2015 was our first date. I went on one more date after his. The guy was awful and I was scared away from Tinder forever. Thus, I think it’s fate that Ale’s was the first up.

• What do you and your pareja like to do together for fun?

We’re both nerds at heart. We both grew up liking school. So we talk a lot about history, religion, politics, anything you can think of. We also really enjoy the arts, especially classical music and theater. As often as our budgets allow you can find us at a concert or performance of some kind. In general we have pretty different TV show/movie tastes but we have a few fall-back options for lazy date nights like “Friends” or the classic Spanish “La que se avecina.” We both love coffee and churros con chocolate so we often will head out on a whim to find somewhere to get one or both at all hours of the day.

• What’s are some of the differences you’ve noticed between dating someone from a different culture vs. someone from your own culture?

Communication is always important in a relationship, but when you’re interculturally dating it’s multiplied by a thousand. I find myself having to be way more intentional about how I say things. While Ale has his C2 in English, the ever-changing English slang and my personal heavy use of sarcasm can still cause misunderstandings if I’m not careful. I expand on this in a later question, but I also find myself trying to truly learn Spanish culture and history and trying to fit the puzzle pieces together as to how they create the Spanish mindset, so that I can approach discussions and arguments from a place of understanding.

On a more superficial level, in general I find Spaniards to be more “put-together” than American men. I even find this to be true between southern Spaniards and those in Madrid. While he’ll sometimes wear jeans out, Ale (his family nor his friends either) will almost never be caught dead wearing jeans and a t-shirt to even a casual dinner or beer. It’s always a button down or jacket included, hair and beard groomed etc. I appreciate it when guys put effort into their appearances and I feel like it’s a far more widespread practice here.

• What’s the best thing about being with your pareja?

The best thing about being with my pareja is how how easy our relationship seems. We did two years of long distance and while it was pretty miserable, there weren’t any moments of doubt or “Is this really worth it?” He was always worth it. We both know there will be more rough patches ahead, there always are, but making it through two years of being 4,000 miles apart, we feel pretty invincible.

• What’s the biggest miscommunication you’ve ever had?  Any really awkward moments?

I cannot remember a specific example, but there have been several times where we’ve gotten into an argument, usually politics-related (of course), and after a solid amount of time will come to realize that we actually agreed all along and had just been using different language/terminology and been confused.

• What language do you speak in?

We definitely speak Spanglish. Because of his C2, it depends a lot on the topic as his English is better than my Spanish. For general day-to-day conversations and surface level topics, we speak in Spanish. Once he wants to start debating theology (He’s Catholic and I’m Protestant) and the like, we switch to English when my Spanish can’t hang anymore.

• What is something (or a few things) you have struggled with in your relationship that is due to the fact that you’re from different places?

I sometimes call Ale the most non-Spanish Spaniard I’ve ever met. He lived for several years in the Middle East because of his dad’s work so it’s hard for me to know exactly why he does or says something culturally or linguistically: Is it because he’s Spanish? Is it an influence from his time abroad? Is it an influence from his school’s Australian curriculum? Who knows.

Other than that, during long distance, I felt emotionally distanced at times from his life in Sevilla as I’m sure he did from mine. In any LDR that’s something difficult to navigate that requires a LOT of communication, especially with two cultures and languages involved.

• Has your pareja ever been to your hometown?  What was that like?

Yes, he’s been to Indy twice! The first time was his first time in US period so we made a side trip to NYC, of course. His second year we went to Chicago.

It was really fun for me, at least. I am biased and think Indianapolis is underrated so it’s always fun for me to show people around. I had a really good time showing him my favorite places in the city and he was a good sport about meeting all of my friends and family at once. His second visit was way more relaxed and we were able to revisit places or see friends that he had connected with the first time. He fell in love with a local donut shop in Indy and I honestly think he still misses those donuts as much as he ever missed me haha (See attached picture of us with the donuts).

• Have you ever met your pareja’s family?  What was it like?  Were you nervous?

Oh fun story. Ale invited me over a few weeks into dating to hang out with friends of his. Imagine my surprise when I walk into his house and his mother is standing in the entry to greet me. Absolutely no warning was given whatsoever about the fact I’d be meeting his mom in addition to his friends that day.

Two weeks later, the same thing happened with his dad and brother. Walked in, and there they were.

In that sense, while I was worried I made a bad impression because I wasn’t prepared at all, also didn’t have advance notice to be nervous. At any rate his family is absolutely wonderful and his mom treats me like a daughter so I’m definitely very lucky in that regard.

• What is your biggest pet peeve about dating someone from another culture?  (Don’t worry, we all have them!)

My biggest pet peeve is that it’s very easy to excuse differences of opinion as, “Well you’re not ____ so you just don’t/can’t understand.” It frustrates me because at this point I’ve lived in Spain at two different points in time and been back to visit several times over the past few years. So while I’m not an expert in Spanish culture by any means, I’m also not completely ignorant. That line often seems to be a cop-out for having an honest conversation. I’ve caught myself doing it too at times and have to force myself to not take the easy way out of a disagreement.

• In an ideal world, where would you both live?

We both definitely have the travel bug. We are both city lovers so as long as we have a good-sized city to explore and enjoy, we’d be happy!

• Any funny stories, cute moments, etc. that you want to tell from your relationship?  Just to give us a peek into your day-to-day life!

Our first date is actually one of my favorite stories. So we met up for lunch and spoke entirely in Spanish, which was ostensibly the point of me getting Tinder to begin with, but I was also incredibly shy in my second language, especially with a cute guy. About two hours into this Spanish-torture date, he all of a sudden turns to me and says in FLAWLESS, accentless English, “You have beautiful eyes. Has anyone ever told you that?” After I got over my initial anger that he made me speak in halting terrible Spanish, that Spanish charm had me hooked!

We also accidentally stole a dog while dog/house-sitting in Indy last summer. It was due to a case of mistaken-identity as the dog we were watching escaped and we found an identical dog down the street. The dogs were successfully switched about an hour later when we realized our mistake. No harm no foul, but we did feel pretty dumb.

• What is one thing your pareja really believes, but you know is not true (ie: you WILL get sick if you sleep with the air conditioner on)

My favorite is, “Southern Spaniards drink light beer and wine in the summer because it’s refreshing.” Oh honey. How do I explain that alcohol is not meant for hydration in 100+ degree weather?

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Thank you for participating, Becky!  I loved reading your answers and getting a peek into your life with Ale.  I wish you two the best of luck in the future together!  Again, check out Becky’s blog here, and follow her on Instagram (@beckyinindy).