Living abroad has all types of amazing benefits- friends, new cities, parties, cool restaurants, learning about a new culture, but with all the good, there is always a darker side (like with anything in life). I have found that one of the biggest struggles I face living in another country are the bouts of loneliness that come in waves. It rears it’s ugly, little head when no one is home, when my short list of contacts are all busy, when the little bit of sunlight that enters my room isn’t enough, when I’m feeling generally down and unmotivated. It happens, and…it makes me miss my parents haha. I miss “home” on some days more than others (especially weekends with few plans, where it becomes painfully obvious how living in another country can be, oh, so isolating). Over the last 1.5 years, I have learned ways to help cope with it, and while it doesn’t make it go away, I have learned ways to pull myself out of some dark funks. Maybe it’s not normal, but something tells me that everyone experiences this once in a while. The key is knowing how to get out of it.
1 // Go for a walk. While these tips are not in any particular order, this is probably my number 1 tip. Sometimes when I feel lonely, nothing sounds better than my bed and Netflix. But the better part of my brain also knows that wallowing never helps. Cold, rain, sun- da igual, a nice 45 minute walk (heck, even 20 minutes) with a podcast or music or time to think can do wonders for mental health. Something about fresh air and nature (or city and people and smoke) reminds me that there is more here than the confines of my flat.
2 // Call someone. It’s 2017 and your family and friends are only a phone call away. Call your parents, siblings, friends. Just chatting with someone and hearing my own voice helps me feel better.
3 // Make plans in advance. I do this thing where I yearn for these empty weekends because the weeks are so busy. I want to have all of this open time to relax and do what I want. Those days are good for… a day, tops. Try to make plans to see a friend (even for an hour) for coffee or a drink or lunch during the day or at night. Even seeing another human that knows who you are for an hour can be so invigorating.
4 // Go to the gym. Like I said in the first part of this, sometimes nothing sounds better than my bed and Netflix, but I know that gym endorphins are real. Go and walk on the treadmill, ride the bike, or my favorite- do a group class and cash in on those endorphins. If nothing else, you have 1) accomplished something and 2) been around other people.
5 // Make a to-do list and do it. This is also a really great tip that helps me feel better. Sometimes my loneliness can feel like mild depression, which in turn makes me feel unmotivated and lazy. If I can “accomplish” things, the reverse happens- I feel motivated and accomplished, depression lifts, loneliness lifts, and I feel good. Here’s another tip: add “easy” things to the list! You should see my weekend to-do lists! They include things like shower, organize sweaters, send e-mail to … , fold laundry, change sheets, paint nails. These are not ground-breaking tasks, but they are tasks that need to get done.
6 // Find things that you enjoy and inspire you and do them. A lot of times, loneliness comes from boredom and vice versa. I find that doing a “project” of sorts always helps me feel better. I cook, write stupid things here for you (and no one) to read (guess what? I am writing this on a Saturday night after a particularly long day), read a book, research things for the future, draw, color, read. My favorite one is cooking and just like so many of these tips, cooking something tasty makes me feel accomplished and therefore, happier.
7 // Go out solo. You might feel weird doing this, but trust me, it helps! Why sit on your sofa scrolling Instagram when you could check out a new coffee shop and scroll Instagram? One of my favorite solo things to do is find a new, cozy coffee shop, order myself a nice cafe con leche and bring a good book. It kills an hour or two.
8 // Don’t be afraid to travel alone. Whether it be a day trip or a weekend trip, traveling alone has so many wonderful benefits. I talked about those benefits in this post, but to reiterate, the best part about traveling alone is that when you are in a new place, you don’t have that “I should know more people here, but I don’t” feeling. It’s a new place for you to explore, and hey- you might meet another loner.
9 // Put yourself out there and ask people to hang out. Here is Madrid, there is a Facebook group with almost 14,000 people in it and something tells me that at least ONE of them also wants to meet some new people. Don’t be afraid to ask your connections, “hey! anyone doing anything fun tonight or want to do something fun? I’m up for meeting new people!”
10 // Give yourself some grace. Lastly, be kind to yourself. Count your blessings. Appreciate what you do have (sometimes writing these things down can make you see how blessed you are). Remember that each day is a new day. Everyone has those days so don’t be too hard on yourself. This feeling, too, will pass, and sunshine will come back.
