Hello, hello!  I’m sorry for going off the radar for the last couple of weeks, but time got away from me last week and then I spent 5 days on a very special trip in Lahr, Germany and also went to Portugal for a lovely beach vacation, which I will recap soon.  In the meantime, please enjoy this week’s  ‘So You’re Dating a Spaniard’, only this week, we have an American dating an Italian.  You’ll see that the things Arianne experiences with her Italian boyfriend (Davide) are very similar to the cultural experiences that others have written about with their Spanish boyfriends.  Arianne and Davide are in a long-distance relationship, but they are making it work and plan to move in together this fall!  How exciting!  Anyway, enjoy Arianne’s answers- I know I did!

*Before I go, if YOU or anyone you know may be interested in participating in this series, please let me know!  I am down to my last few participants!  All cultures welcome!  By the looks of my website stats, you are all enjoying these posts so please help me keep them going!

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

• Please introduce yourself. What’s your name?  Where are you from?  How old are you?  How long have you been living in Spain (if you live in Spain)?  What do you do?  Where do you live?  What are your hobbies?

Hi! My name is Arianne and I’m a 25-year old American from Seattle. I’ve been living in Madrid for the past 3 years but before that I was living in Cádiz (6 months) and León (3 months).

• Introduce your pareja (boyfriend/ girlfriend). What’s his/ her name?  How old is he/she?  What does he/she do?  Where does he/she from?

For the past 5 and a halfish years I’ve been in a long-distance relationship with my Italian boyfriend, Davide. He’s 32-years old and at the moment he’s living in Lisbon working for his university as a researcher ever since he finished his Master’s there in naval engineering.

• When and how did you two meet? Give us the details  ; )

Before that, he was living in Cádiz. That’s where we met. Well, actually we first met online. We met through an online penpal website. I was trying to practice my Spanish before studying abroad in the south of Spain. The website tries to match you with people who speak your same language(s) and since he also speaks Spanish, English, and Italian, he kept popping up in my suggestions. Finally we started messaging each other and I quickly learned that he was studying in the same city I was going to do my study abroad!

• When did you first start dating?

We met in person for the first time in January of 2013. Actually I had to be the one to ask him to hang out with me. I was pretty nervous about it since I’d never gone to meet a stranger off the internet before but, obviously, it went great. He was pretty shy, too, and didn’t try to flirt with me or make a move at all which went against all my preconceived notions of Italian men. We went to a few bars and after a few drinks we were laughing and joking like old friends. A couple weeks later he asked if I would be his girlfriend (a bit fast, I know, but when you feel it you feel it).

• What do you and your pareja like to do together for fun?

We’re not too complicated when it comes to what we do for fun. When we get the chance to see each other (which lately is about once a month, though before it was far less often) we make a point to try and see a movie together. We both have a deep appreciation for food so we like to go to new restaurants and try new cuisine. When we can, we also like to travel to new places and have visited a few cities in Spain, Portugal, and Italy together. Once we’re living together officially (this fall!!) we want to go to other countries.

• What’s are some of the differences you’ve noticed between dating someone from a different culture vs. someone from your own culture?

At first the cultural differences were a little hard to get used to and we had some arguments because of them (we still do, sometimes). For instance, I couldn’t understand why he had to video chat with his mother every. single. day. I’m quite introverted and he’d always drag me into the conversation, which I’d find quite draining especially since my Italian wasn’t (and still really isn’t) very good. Now he’s a bit more understanding of when I’m just not in the mood to have a conversation with his whole family. I’d also get annoyed if we were supposed to go somewhere and we’d be running late because he had to call home first. In general, and I’ve found this to be true of most Italians, he is much more “spur of the moment” than I am and won’t make plans until the last minute which sometimes causes clashes with me who wants everything planned out sometimes months in advance. I’ve learned that if I want things to be done in a timely manner I have to nag him about it well in advance. When we first started dating (though he was quite quick to be willing to give up on this one…) he would insist on paying for everything, saying that it was his “duty” as the boyfriend and would even get a bit insulted if I grabbed the bill before him. For Italians, the man is supposed to be the breadwinner. His family even made it clear to me that they wouldn’t approve of us getting married until *he* finished his studies and got a job. I was NOT happy about that one, especially since I’m used to my own family letting me do whatever I want and supporting all my decisions. But for Davide, whatever his parents say is the law. If his mom wants him to drop everything and travel halfway across the country to go back home, he’ll do it (actually happened once).

But it’s not all tensions. Dating an Italian has given me a new appreciation for food culture and the importance of actually stopping to enjoy your meal (something that I feel Americans desperately need to learn). Hanging out with Italians has also made me a more open person. Who cares if you just met?? Life is short, party, joke, laugh and have a good time. I feel Americans are really distrustful in comparison.

• What’s the best thing about being with your pareja?

He’s a really good cook hahaha. No, but really, he’s a great guy. He’s very loving even after all these years. Even though we have pretty different personalities and different cultures he tries to be patient and understanding. I know I can depend on him and I’ve never doubted him. Long distance relationships aren’t for everyone, but he’s never faltered or questioned if it was worth it. Relationships are a lot of work and he definitely carries his half and does it without complaint.

• What’s the biggest miscommunication you’ve ever had? Any really awkward moments?

I don’t know if we’ve had any really terrible miscommunications, but there have been some awkward (funny) moments. For example:

1. When we first started dating, I went to meet his family during Semana Santa. At lunch time, there was toasted bread, olive oil, and tomato on the table. It didn’t occur to me that these three things were supposed to be eaten together, so I grabbed a piece of toast and stuck it in my mouth. Everyone literally stopped eating and stared at me like I had grown a second head. Suddenly they started laughing and my mother-in-law told my fiance: “Davide, show Arianne how to eat bruschetta.”
2. When you greet someone in Italy, the first kiss is on the opposite side of what it is in Spain. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve almost accidentally kissed my in-laws on the lips because of this tiny yet significant difference.
3. Dating a non-native English speaker has really opened my eyes to how strange some things we say in English are. Once I told Davide I had to dust my room, and he freaked out because he thought I meant I was going to cover my room in dirt. “Do you really think I would do something like that??” I asked him. “With you, nothing surprises me anymore” he replied….

• What language do you speak in?

At first we tried to speak in a mix of Italian, Spanish, and English, but it quickly defaulted to 99% English. Davide’s English was (and still is… but I’m trying…) better than my Italian so it was just easier for us to speak English.

• What is something (or a few things) you have struggled with in your relationship that is due to the fact that you’re from different places?

Honestly I think the hardest thing has just been trying to figure out the logistics of how we are going to live our lives together. If we want to legally stay together long term, we have to be married, and international marriages are a PROCESS. Thankfully it’s easier to do in Europe than in America. Of course, on top of that we had to reach a point where we both had our lives together enough to fit them together, and that’s not simple. Someone has to make a sacrifice. In my case, since I teach English I have quite a bit of flexibility as to where I can live, but Davide is a lot less flexible. Thankfully after more than five years the pieces are starting to fall into place.

• Has your pareja ever been to your hometown? What was that like?

He did go to my little hometown, about three years ago. It was pretty cute watching all his reactions to the differences between America and Europe (“There’s so much nature” “Everything is so green” “It’s so quiet” “Everything is so big” “There’s so much space” “The food here is better than I expected” etc). He met my family and they got along great, not that I was worried. They were super excited to meet him. He loved my city, Seattle, which made me happy because I love it, too, haha.

• Have you ever met your pareja’s family? What was it like?  Were you nervous?

As you can tell, I have met Davide’s family, and see them at least once a year since I moved to Europe. There’s a stereotype that the Italian mother hates any girl her son is dating. Thankfully that wasn’t the case with me! I was a bit nervous to meet them, as they don’t speak any English, but it went very well in spite of my shyness. His mom kept giving me compliments and now when I go over there they spoil me more than their own son.

• What is your biggest pet peeve about dating someone from another culture? (Don’t worry, we all have them!)

All the nagging I get about how I’m sick because I sleep with wet hair, or didn’t wear a scarf, or walked on the floor without slippers, and how I need antibiotics to cure my COLD….

• In an ideal world, where would you both live?

For the time being, I’m content to not settle down and live in many places. I don’t think I could be happy staying in one place for too long. However, I think once the wanderlust has calmed down a bit, we’d both like to move to my city (though Seattle is SO EXPENSIVE and we’ll have to be pretty far along in our careers before we can afford that).

• Any funny stories, cute moments, etc. that you want to tell from your relationship? Just to give us a peek into your day-to-day life!

Like I mentioned earlier, dating a non-native English speaker means that miscommunications happen regularly, often to comedic effect. For example, just the other day…

                Davide: Did you see that little girl? She had cute socks. They were brown with the head of a hole.

                Arianne: …A what?

                Davide: *looking at me like I’m stupid* A HOLE. H-O-W-L.

                Arianne: Ok, first of all, that word you just spelled is pronounced HOWL. Second, it’s what wolves do. The word you’re looking for is OWL. O-W-L. *hoot hoot*

                Davide: Whatever. Your language is stupid.

• What is one thing your pareja really believes, but you know is not true (ie: you WILL get sick if you sleep with the air conditioner on)

I would just like to point out that even the interviewer knows that “sleeping with the AC on will get you sick” is blatantly FALSE. We literally JUST had a fight about this last weekend, when I woke up in a pool of my own sweat and SOMEONE wouldn’t let me turn on the air conditioning for anything. That and insistence that antibiotics are a miracle drug and will cure absolutely any illness. In general, Italians share all the same myths Spaniards have.

___________________________________________________________________________________

So there you have it!  Arianne gave us the inside scoop to dating an Italian and had me chuckling along the way!  Thank you for participating, Arianne (and Davide)!